


Not the Same

by cutelittlekitty



Series: Not the Same As Canon [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, First Time, M/M, a bit of humor, after God and Amara go off, and a bit of holy wow, bottom!Castiel, but no Mary resurrection and no brits, cannon-divergent from the end of season 11, top!dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 10:50:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14692653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutelittlekitty/pseuds/cutelittlekitty
Summary: Cas keeps popping into the bunker at the most random times tonotask Dean something.  Will he ever nut up and say what's on his mind or is he just trying to see how many random appearances of trench-coated suit-wearing angels it takes to give a human a heart attack?





	Not the Same

"Dean, I-"

Dropping his spoon into his cereal as he jumped, hand going for his weapon, the hunter glared at the angel that had _not_ been standing in the middle of the bunker's kitchen a second ago. "Jesus, Cas, don't do that!" Dean complained as he wiped milk off his flannel sleeve.

"Sorry, I hadn't meant to startle you," Castiel apologized, though Dean wondered why, if he really was sorry, he continued to do the same thing over and over.

"Yeah, Yeah." Having been about finished with his cereal anyway, the hunter grabbed his bowl and took it over to the sink, washing and rinsing it and his spoon and putting them in the dish rack, all the while casting sidelong glances at Cas, wondering if he was going to finish what he'd been about to say. "So what's up?" he asked when the angel continued to stare at the floor as if waiting for it to tell him the meaning of life. Dean sat back at the table, putting his feet up on Sam's vacant chair.

Castiel's head snapped up to look at Dean. "The direction perpendicular to the greatest local center of gravity," he replied, brows furrowed. "Why are we discussing directional definitions?"

"Perpenwhat? Whatever, you need to stop taking everything literally, Cas," the hunter quipped with a roll of his eyes.

"I was joking, Dean, I know the meaning of 'what's up' in colloquial terms."

"That was a joke? Dude, we gotta work on your sense of humor," Dean teased, though he was secretly pleased with the progress Cas had made over the years. That was a definite attempt at sarcasm and there had been a time when the angel had understood sarcasm almost as well as a two-year-old understands advanced physics. With a bit of work and a lot more exposure to Dean and Sam and their friends the guy might even eventually be able to pass for human. Not a normal human, but hey, he didn't know anyone who was 'normal' anyway, and besides, normal was boring. "Anyways, joking aside, you didn't answer the question. What did you come in here for?"

"I... Actually, I think this is something I should think about on my own. I'm sorry to have disturbed you."

"Cas, wait, jus-" But the angel was already gone.

 

*****

 

"Dude, what the fuck?" Dean only just managed to keep hold of his cup, coffee sloshing onto his hand when he stopped short, barely avoiding the angel that had appeared directly in his path.

"Sorry," Castiel said, waving a hand over Dean's, leaving it free of scalding liquid.

Dean stood looking at Cas expectantly. Cas stood looking at Dean's unburned hand, the floor, the walls, the table, the fridge, anything except the man in front of him. "Sam tryin' to set up a surprise party in there or something?"

"What? No? Why?" Castiel asked, signature confused-brow-wrinkle in place.

"You're blocking the doorway," Dean pointed out.

A quick glance around confirmed that yes, he was standing in a doorway, and Castiel jumped back and out of the way, leaving room for Dean to pass.

"Thanks," the hunter grunted as he went by, going to the research table and pulling the top book off the pile Sammy had left for him. He didn't care for skimming through dusty old tomes trying to find out how to kill a troll (and how the hell was that even a real thing when they'd never come across one before?), but liked prowling through dusty shelves of rows and rows of books trying to find ones that might contain such information even less. So Sammy was playing librarian, leaving Dean to do the reading, and the trying to stay awake. That's why coffee. Forcing his eyes to focus, he began looking through the table of contents as Cas sat across from him. Ten minutes later he was frowning at the bottom of an empty coffee cup.

"Dean, are you busy?" the angel asked as Dean stood.

"A little, but my eyes need a break. Why, you need something?" he managed to ask after barely suppressing his jump reflex. He'd forgotten Cas was there, the angel was so quiet.

"No, it's not important, if you're busy it can wait," Castiel replied, following Dean into the kitchen.

"Like I said, I need to get away from the books for a bit; I've earned a few minute's reprieve." As he talked Dean put his cup in the sink then pulled his big travel mug from the cupboard, filled it with the remaining half pot of coffee, then set about putting more on to brew.

"Oh.... I think this will take more than a few minutes though, I'll come back when you're not busy." And with that the angel was gone. Again.

Running a hand through his hair with a sigh, Dean went back to the table and sat. Cas needing a chat was a good excuse. Tired eyes was a copout. Void of further angelic interruptions (figuratively and literally), the afternoon crawled along with the speed of chilled molasses.

 

*****

 

Dean woke with a sense of unease, slitting his eyes open to find unblinking, intense blue orbs inches from his own. "Dammit Cas! This has got to stop!" he growled, sitting up and grabbing the angel by the collar. "What the fucking hell has been on your mind? Spill."

"Why have we never had sex?" the angel asked, face and voice as deadpan as ever.

Eyes wide, Dean tried to make some sort of coherent response but aside from the fact that his brain had abruptly emptied of words, their meanings, and thought altogether, his jaw had dropped so far he worried it might have fallen off.

"I was right. This is not a subject you wish to discuss. But I have not been able to understand it on my own, you aren't busy at the moment, and we have privacy and time now so I was hoping we could talk about it," Castiel stated logically as he sat on the bed, inhumanly steady gaze never wavering.

"I... That... Why would you even think to ask that?" Dean finally managed to stutter, fingers slipping without thought from the grip they'd had on Cas's collar.

"You like me."

"Yeah, but not-"

"I like you."

"Yeah, but I don't th-"

"Sex feels good."

"Do angels even-"

"So why haven't we tried it?" Castiel concluded, seeing no flaw in his logic.

"Can I talk now?" Dean asked, unable to keep the exasperation from his voice but doubting the angel would pick up on it anyway.

"Of course," the angel replied, confused as to why the hunter would need his permission.

"Cas, we're friends. Friends don't- I mean we can't do that."

"Dean, if friends can't have sex, then why is 'sex friends' a phrase?"

"That's not... I mean... It's complicated," Dean sighed, rubbing his forehead as though that could chase away the headache he felt coming on. "Besides, we're both guys."

"Technically I have no gender, though, yes, my vessel is male. But sexual partners only need opposite genders for procreation. With sex for recreational purposes, gender is irrelevant. Isn't it?"

"Well, preference kinda plays a role there."

"Didn't you once tell Sam 'the vehicle doesn't matter as long as you get where you want to go'?"

"That's... I was just telling him to be open-minded. I can't believe you even remembered that, and I _really_ can't believe you knew I was talking about sex."

"I didn't. Not at the time. That's why I remembered it; it confused me. Once I had learned more about sex, and done it myself, the meaning became more appar-"

"Hold it! Whoa, back up. What do you mean 'done it yourself'?" Dean interrupted, his brain struggling to believe in a world where that statement made sense. "Are you saying you've jacked off?"

"What, masturbated?" Castiel asked, brows furrowed. "No, of course not. I mean, I could, but I doubt it would be enjoyable beyond my vessel. I meant I've had sex. After Metatron took my grace, when I was human. I told you about it, didn't I?"

"Did you? You'd think I'd remember that. Maybe I was too distracted with Sammy stuff. Or maybe I just blocked it out. You and sex, man, that's just not something I can wrap my head around." Dean was still trying to figure out if he'd forgotten to take that left turn at Albuquerque and wound up on the wrong planet or something.

"Shouldn't this be the part where I say something amusing about heads and wrapping around and then you laugh and then we have sex?"

Dean broke into a coughing fit, Cas staring at him concernedly. He could have sworn his mouth was dry only a second ago, what the hell was he choking on? Maybe it was the remains of his sanity. "Cas," he panted when he could finally breathe, "for the sake of my physical and mental health, can we _please_ stop talking about this? Are you really that interested in sex?"

"I'm interested with sex with you," Castiel deadpanned. "It felt good that one time I tried it, and that was with a virtual stranger. It probably won't be the same now that I'm back to being an angel in a human vessel, but I suspect it might be better with someone I care for."

"You care for Sammy, why ask me?"

Castiel cocked his head, brows furrowed. "It is true I care for Sam more than other humans, but, part of that is because he's so important to you. _You_ are the one for whom I would do, and have done, anything. Not almost anything, _anything_. If the choice was between saving you or saving heaven and earth, I would save you with barely a thought. Time and time again my good intentions have gone awry and there was no way I could ever atone for the misguided, horrible things I've done. But every time, you've forgiven me, the only thing in existence that could make my mistakes bearable. I want... no, I need to be closer with you. I need to give you pleasure, if I can. But if that's not something you want..."

Combing his fingers through his hair with a sigh, Dean studied Cas seriously as the angel trailed off. Yeah, he'd rip through the gates of heaven or hell to rescue the weirdo, but he'd do the same for Sam. Maybe not anyone else though. And Sam was blood; Cas wasn't. He was as good as blood, but not physically related. Still, even if he cared for Cas more than anyone other than the brother he raised, that didn't mean he wanted to do the horizontal mambo with him. Images his brain chose to include with that thought had Dean balking, trying hard not to picture Cas kneeling beneath him, tousled head thrown back and moaning unabashedly as Dean thrust into an ass tighter than any pussy. Fuck. "Cas," he conceded, licking his lips nervously, "if... if you really want to try, I'm game. But we go slow and If either of us gets too uncomfortable with it we stop." Cas nodded but Dean barely saw as he leaned in for a tentative kiss, eyes closing, hand sliding up the angel's thigh to settle lightly over his crotch, half-afraid that Cas wouldn't get hard, and half-afraid that he would.

When Dean deepened the kiss, tongue gently coaxing Cas's lips apart to slide into the moist warmth, brushing along the roof and mapping his teeth before engaging the angel's tongue, teasing it into action, a surprised humming came from somewhere deep in Cas's throat. The cloth under the hunter's fingers grew taut as the angel's arousal made itself known, either putting Deans fears to rest or confirming them, he still wasn't sure which. Hopefully, he at least wouldn't be stuck with a case of blue balls. 

Castiel, apparently a fast learner, turned on the bed and crawled closer, straddling Dean's legs, arms wrapping around his neck, chests pressed together as he chased the invading tongue back into Dean's mouth, imitating what the other man had done, exploring and thrusting. As Castiel tried to pull their bodies even closer, his hips rocked unconsciously against Dean's lap, eliciting a moan of pleasure more intense than anything the hunter had ever heard before, let alone known he was capable of making. Interpreting that as a positive sign, the angel continued rocking, testing different angles and movements as his tongue ravaged Dean's mouth, devouring the sounds he conjured forth from the other man like magic.

"Whoa," Dean gasped as he finally managed to pull away from the assault of Cas's tongue, feeling like a teenager on his first date and in danger of winding up the same way; damp boxers. "Slow, remember?"

Castiel blinked at him Owlishly.

"Never mind, just... let me know if you get confused or unsure," he said, giving in and getting to work removing layers, starting by tugging the angel's trench coat off. 

Castiel turned his head to watch the coat pool on the edge of the bed then slide off onto the floor after a few seconds, as Dean worked the buttons on his suit shirt. When understanding hit he stood, quickly removing the rest of his clothes and Dean's too for good measure, though the boxers gave him a bit of trouble since Dean was staring at him in shocked silence. "Did I do something wrong?" he asked, brows furrowing.

"What? No!" Dean yelped. "I just..." How could he explain he wanted to go slower, spend time enjoying Cas's lean, firm chest, let Cas reciprocate before they removed pants, or in Dean's case, shorts. There was no longer any doubt; he wanted this. But how could he get Cas to tap the breaks a bit without the angel taking it as censure? Staring at the naked body standing beside the bed without a hint of embarrassment, Dean gave up, grabbing the angel's hand and pulling him down onto the bed across his own body, Cas landing on his back next to the wall with Dean leaning over him. "We have time. This is new to both of us; there's no reason to rush through it, is there?" he murmured as he kissed his way to Cas's ear, tonguing the lobe and grazing his teeth over it, smiling as the angel's breath hitched.

"But you're already erect; isn't that uncomfortable for you?"

Smiling at the factual statement, Dean shook his head. "The feelings of anticipation and slowly building need far outweigh the mild discomfort. Is it uncomfortable for you though?"

"My vessel does not yet need release."

Dean bit back a laugh, not wanting to ruin the mood, which was already struggling around the straightforward rock that was Cas. "Maybe I should do something about that," the hunter grinned as his lips explored the angel's neck, making their way across his clavicle and down his chest.

"I'd rather you go back to making those sounds you were making before, though what you're doing now feels quite pleasant," Castiel purred as he rolled Dean toward the wall, pressing their lips together in a less frenzied kiss than earlier, though just as passionate. Scooting toward the edge of the bed, he pulled Dean away from the wall till there was enough room to straddle him which he did, lips never parting. Hands explored while they kissed, seeking erogenous zones and drawing out moans of need, eventually joined by lips and tongue as Castiel put the knowledge he'd just gained to work. 

"Nnn, Cas," Dean panted as the angel continued driving him crazy while never going below his waist, "I think we're ready for the next step." He tried to roll them over again but Cas, kneeling over Dean's hips, kept the hunter pinned.

"I have done some research on this part, let me do it," he rasped, needing more as much as Dean did. "Do you have lube?"

Dean drew in a sharp breath, seeing things heading in a direction that hadn't even crossed his mind. Screwing Cas was one thing, but being the one getting... he'd never even thought about doing that. Then he looked up into azure eyes filled with wonder and a newly awakened desire and knew he would never let anything take that sight away from him, not even fear. Wordlessly he pulled the lube from the nightstand drawer, thankful for finally having a room and privacy and some pretty awesome mags left over from 1950s men of letters who actually had good taste, that had prompted him to buy the stuff. Gulping nervously, he watched Cas open the tube with apparent confidence, squeezing a decent amount onto his fingers before reaching behind him. Dean closed his eyes, waiting for the feel of cool, viscous fluid on his skin. Instead, he felt the angel's weight against his hips vanish and cracked an eye open, looking up to see Cas arched, head back, concentrating on preparing himself. Licking dry lips, Dean watched in amazement as small gasps and moans escaped Cas's lips and pre-cum escaped his hard length, dripping unnoticed onto Dean's abdomen. And then the angel's hand was around Dean's aching cock, coating it with the rest of the lube from his fingers and positioning it. Time stood still as blue gaze sought and held green, a moment beyond reality that had been hovering, unknown, in the shadows of both men for years, since they'd first crossed paths when Cas had left his mark on Dean while dragging him out of hell. The moment stretched as the angel's hips inched down onto the waiting cock, head pressing against the anal ring until it gave and Cas paused, feeling the way the tip stretched him.

"Cas, wait!" Dean's warning was a second too late, after Cas had already slammed his hips down, taking the entirety of the hard length into his virgin ass in one smooth motion as a cry of surprise escaped his lips. "Don't move," Dean cautioned, strong hands grabbing Cas's hips firmly, preventing him from pulling away as his vessel's reflexes wanted to, knowing instinctually it would hurt as much going out as in and the best course would be to wait for Cas's body to adjust.

"Sorry, Dean," Castiel mumbled around shallow breaths, "I didn't expect... that was how they did it in the movies. It didn't look this... uncomfortable."

Dean held back his chuckle because, really, this wasn't funny, but... "Dude, Cas, are you telling me the 'research' you did was to watch some gay porn?"

"I watched movies containing scenes depicting anal sex, both heterosexual and homosexual. How did you think I researched?"

"I don't know, books or something? To be honest, I was thinking more about the fact that you _had_ done research rather than what kind," Dean replied, releasing the angel's hips and grabbing the discarded lube. After squeezing some onto his hand he encircled Cas's cock and began working it in long, firm, slow strokes.

Gasping at the unexpected stimulation, Castiel watched the hunter's face as Dean watched his hand, focusing on giving the angel pleasure. Castiel slid his hands down Dean's chest then began rocking his hips slowly, testing the feel of the hard flesh moving inside him. Dean whimpered at the shallow movements, hips trembling beneath Castiel's thighs with the effort of not thrusting. Wanting to hear more of Dean's passion, Castiel picked up the pace, focusing on his partner's pleasure, experimenting with speed and depth and angle until he was riding him with abandon, thrilling in the responses he drew from the more experienced man.

"Fuck, Cas, that... so good! Fucking hell!" Dean swore before his moans of ecstasy were rendered incomprehensible, hands forgetting about Cas's twitching length as they went back to the angel's waist, pulling down as he began thrusting up, driven past the point of thought or reason by the sight and feel of Castiel riding him. It wasn't the vision he'd tried not to let himself think of earlier, but it was so much fucking better there were just no words. Cas was staring at Dean like he was the most important thing in the universe and when Dean began thrusting those blue eyes widened in wonder, a soft 'oh' escaping the angel's lips as Dean hit just the right spot and all he could do was keep plunging up into Cas, devouring each gasp and tremor he caused, unaware of his own cries as he drove them both toward climax. And then he was crying Cas's name, over and over and over as he shuddered into the angel, coming harder than he ever had in his life.

"Dean!" Castiel moaned, white spurting over Dean's stomach a half second later.

Panting heavily they stared at each other in wide-eyed amazement. "That... wow. Just wow," Dean said incredulously.

"Yes," Castiel agreed breathlessly. After a minute of further locked gazes he slid off of Dean, laying between him and the wall. "Definitely not the same," he mumbled.

"What's not the same?" Dean asked as he pulled a clean hand towel from the stack in the nightstand, because having his own room had also helped him evolve past old, dingy tube socks.

"Intercourse. That was definitely not the same as my previous experience," Castiel stated as Dean began cleaning them both up.

"I'm hoping that means this was better, because I can't imagine anything that could top what we just did."

"Beyond comparison. I suspected it would be better with someone I cared for, but that was... transformative."

"There were other differences though, right? You're not human now, and I'm not a chick. Maybe that's why this time was better?" Dean teased, though he knew full well that, at least for him, it was his feelings for Cas, emotions he'd hidden from everyone, including himself, that had made this the best screw he'd ever had, hands down. But if this was just idle curiosity on the angel's part, not to be repeated... Dean felt himself starting to panic and turned away from Cas using the pretext of tossing the towel into the clothes basket, trying to look casual. He missed.

"Unexpectedly, the sensations experienced through my vessel were physically similar, although much more intense," Castiel reasoned as he pressed himself against Dean, chest to back. "As for gender, that is a pretty big difference, as far as being the one inserting or the one being inserted into. But both penile and prostate stimulation felt good, so I don't think gender was a factor. No, Dean, I think the difference was that I love you."

"You what?" Dean tensed, afraid he had heard wrong or Cas had misspoken.

"Dean?" Castiel asked, the confusion in his drawn brows audible. "I told you that already; that I love you."

"Umm... I think I woulda remembered that."

"I told you before we had intercourse, when you were questioning why I wanted to have sex with you."

Dean tried to think back across the eons that separated now from twenty minutes ago. 'You _are the one for whom I would do, and have done, anything. Not almost anything,_ anything. _If the choice was between saving you or saving heaven and earth, I would save you with barely a thought. Time and time again my good intentions have gone awry and there was no way I could ever atone for the misguided, horrible things I've done. But every time, you've forgiven me, the only thing in existence that could make my mistakes bearable. I want... no, I need to be closer with you. I need to give you pleasure, if I can. But if that's not something you want...'_ That wasn't flat out 'I love you', but as far as declarations of love went, it could certainly be interpreted that way. "Oh, right, I guess you did."

"I'm sorry, I thought you understood," Castiel said quietly, stiffening and pulling away.

"I do, now that-" Dean turned toward the angel, panic gone as he realized they both felt the same way, only to find Cas had done his usual disappearing act. "Dammit, Cas, get your feathery ass back here so I can tell you I love you too!" he growled to the air as he sat up in bed, running his fingers through his mussed hair.

"What did you say?"

Dean jumped as the angel appeared beside the bed, then tugged him into his lap. "I said I love you, you damn angel! And stop showing up like that."

"Why did you call me back if you didn't want me to show up?"

"I _did_ want you to show up, just not right on top of me." Dean replied, wrapping his arms around Cas's waist.

"If you didn't want me on top of you then why did you pull me into your lap? You're being very confusing," Castiel complained.

"Nevermind," Dean groaned, letting his forehead drop against Cas's bicep. "I think I'm gonna need to stock up on ibuprofen.

**Author's Note:**

> new fanfic, took 4 days to write. hopefully that means my writing's getting faster. as always, corrections, comments and suggestions encouraged and appreciated :D
> 
> I swear I proofed this twice after it was finished, not to mention the rereads while I was working on it, yet I still missed a section that had slipped into present tense >.< that's what I get for writing in past tense when I'm reading things written in present tense. so fixed those mistakes, plus a couple others I'd missed. hopefully it's all correct now. i'll reread again in a day or two to see if I find anything else to fix hehe.


End file.
